So, here goes...I finally sit down to write my first blog post almost 2 years after I created myself a blog, that too upon somebody's insistence. I MUST write said that somebody, and I would've written too...random musings. Just that I never got down to actually doing it, and I actually think I know why. (I'm not going to bother with sharing the reason, sorry.) Today, when I finally am putting this down, life is different. (No, I’m not going to write a depressing tale though I'd love to!) (How I’d love for it to be just random musings too!) Yes, I'm going to crib and yes, I'm going to rant! [I'm allowed to do that, what the hell! And yes, I'm good at it (ranting), so again, what the hell! I will do it!] But, but, I’m going to try to throw in some humour, because that certain somebody who got me into creating this blog, in a recent conversation told me that I could even make a depressing tale humourous. For instance, he said, if you're going to say your father died, end it with "atleast now I have his car to myself" (I didn't really think that would add humour, but I didn't tell him that. Oops! He'll get to know now...Sorry, you.)
That weird start/introduction done, I’m going to get down to pure cribbing, because that is why exactly I'm writing this. I need to crib RIGHT NOW and I have no one in particular whom I can call at this part of the day (2:30 a.m.). (Also, no free notebook around that I can instantly convert into a diary.) Yes, I have friends, really nice friends, but I’m nicer--don't want to disturb them. And the one person you can afford to be a bit** to, a boyfriend, I don't have. Why? Probably because I don't have what it takes. No, don't get me wrong, I meant flirty behaviour, or blackmailing powers and tactics, or may be plain and simple luck. Yes, it has to be, or rather IS one of those. Though I know it is simply luck, I'd like to believe otherwise. I like to make myself feel all nobel peace prize types!
Cribbing begins:
The one person I loved, more than anything else, the one person I'd do anything for, dumped me, after 2 and a half whole years of promising to never leave me cos he'd never find anyone like me (Yes, I bought that. I was/am a dumbass!). Why? Because he wanted to live like a 20 year old and not a 40 year old. Why such a statement? Did I really make him live like a 40 year old? Judge for yourselves--he quit smoking (quit here meaning that he smoked occasionally whenever he met old friends and pretty much regularly 2 years down the line), he went to church with me on sundays (which he had started doing of his own accord initially and of course stopped 2 years down the line), and I wanted him to think about future plans career wise (that for sure is what a forty year old does. Who even thinks of buliding a career at 21! How silly of me!) Still for all, I never said a word. He made a decision, and I respected it. Whatever the logic, it is his life! *Nobel peace prize feeling* What is the problem then? That my life, at this point was connected to his and his decisions affected me! I wasn't ready for a sudden phone call, one night, 2 days before my exams saying “I feel like being alone. I want to break up!" Wow! How responsible! But I hope that he does become that one day, responsible. And honestly, I think he's begun moving towards it, unconsciously. Cheers, anyway! (If you read this, just want you to know that despite whatever you've done, those 2 and a half years were special to me, very special. I respect what we shared, and you can be sure to always find a good friend in me. Hugs.)
What next? I moved base to a new city, got a job. Dealt with bouts of low sulky moods and depressing thoughts thanks to the above mentioned certain somebody. In the middle of all this, I came across a person who was dealing with his own issues. [I actually pity him for having to deal with my bad moods in addition. Of course, I gave him my shoulder to lean on too! Only give and take allowed, please. No give, give and no take, take. {A close friend would've had a lot to say about the gives and takes ;)}] We began speaking for hours together, got really close. We fell for each other (Expected of me to do such a thing? True!). Problem? There was another element in the picture (Let's refer to the element as element 1). And obviously since a compound cannot be formed in such a situation, our dear friend had to choose one element--element 1 or me. It was me obviously, said this friend; there were no sparks at all between him and element 1. No sparks = no reaction = no compound. With me, everything was perfect. We got along well, and so no problem in compound formation. (Pervert alert: I'm talking plain chemistry here, don't let imagination run wild!) So what Mr. Friend did was to ask me out before eliminating element 1 from the reaction. "How can I do it suddenly? Poor element 1! I will do it in a week or two eventually..." (Stupid of me to believe again after previous experience? Tell me about it!) And as proof of my stupidity, yes, as expected, element 1 is still in the reaction. Who got eliminated? Me obviously, and water with slight salt content was the by-product of the elimination reaction [I am stupid, but I still feel hurt and tears flow ]! Cause for the elimination reaction to have backfired in my direction? Commitment-phobia apparently (and you deserve someone better than me crap!). I wonder where that had gone when all the "I love you" talks were flowing in plenty. [To you too I'd like to say (I know you will be reading this) that you will always find a good friend in me. There are no 2 years that I can respect, but there are few months of friendship and some fun conversations, some feelings shared, which though haven't ended up in much today, have atleast contributed towards me getting over a certain somebody. Hugs.]
Moving on, there's something I'd like to tell these two people. I did nothing to deserve what you both put me through. I still sometimes pity myself and can't help shedding tears, but, in some ways, or in a lot of ways, these experiences have made me stronger. Thank you! (Nothing to feel proud about though, mind you!) It might not be a huge achievement, but I somewhere admire myself for moving on and allowing most of the world to believe that all was/is fine (even though it might not be/might not have been.) I regret sometimes for having chosen idiots like you who could not stand up to their own words (I'm sorry) and idiots like you who let ME slip away. You don't find people like me every day (Sorry again, this time for the boasting, but can't help. You were right when you said things like “I will never find someone like you” and “You deserve someone better than me”. I may not be the best, but I’m pretty sure I’m very close to the best.). I pray to God that you realize this. Realize that you made a mistake by letting me go. Just realize, not regret. *Nobel Peace Prize feeling* *Applause*
And, and, and, I'm not done yet. To all you assholes who flirt for no good reason, it's not that I don't realise what you are and how hard you are trying to be as earnest flirts as possible. I'm not dumb! I'm just too much of a sweetheart to be rude and give you a slap in the face. What I really would've liked to do when you do your fake lines and emotions is this--I'd like to say “Atchooo! I'm allergic to bullshit, you assholes!" (Killer line courtesy: my cousin)
P.S. I appreciate genuine people. Tell me you're a flirt and maybe I will decide to humour you and flirt along ;)
Now, I'm done! :)
That weird start/introduction done, I’m going to get down to pure cribbing, because that is why exactly I'm writing this. I need to crib RIGHT NOW and I have no one in particular whom I can call at this part of the day (2:30 a.m.). (Also, no free notebook around that I can instantly convert into a diary.) Yes, I have friends, really nice friends, but I’m nicer--don't want to disturb them. And the one person you can afford to be a bit** to, a boyfriend, I don't have. Why? Probably because I don't have what it takes. No, don't get me wrong, I meant flirty behaviour, or blackmailing powers and tactics, or may be plain and simple luck. Yes, it has to be, or rather IS one of those. Though I know it is simply luck, I'd like to believe otherwise. I like to make myself feel all nobel peace prize types!
Cribbing begins:
The one person I loved, more than anything else, the one person I'd do anything for, dumped me, after 2 and a half whole years of promising to never leave me cos he'd never find anyone like me (Yes, I bought that. I was/am a dumbass!). Why? Because he wanted to live like a 20 year old and not a 40 year old. Why such a statement? Did I really make him live like a 40 year old? Judge for yourselves--he quit smoking (quit here meaning that he smoked occasionally whenever he met old friends and pretty much regularly 2 years down the line), he went to church with me on sundays (which he had started doing of his own accord initially and of course stopped 2 years down the line), and I wanted him to think about future plans career wise (that for sure is what a forty year old does. Who even thinks of buliding a career at 21! How silly of me!) Still for all, I never said a word. He made a decision, and I respected it. Whatever the logic, it is his life! *Nobel peace prize feeling* What is the problem then? That my life, at this point was connected to his and his decisions affected me! I wasn't ready for a sudden phone call, one night, 2 days before my exams saying “I feel like being alone. I want to break up!" Wow! How responsible! But I hope that he does become that one day, responsible. And honestly, I think he's begun moving towards it, unconsciously. Cheers, anyway! (If you read this, just want you to know that despite whatever you've done, those 2 and a half years were special to me, very special. I respect what we shared, and you can be sure to always find a good friend in me. Hugs.)
What next? I moved base to a new city, got a job. Dealt with bouts of low sulky moods and depressing thoughts thanks to the above mentioned certain somebody. In the middle of all this, I came across a person who was dealing with his own issues. [I actually pity him for having to deal with my bad moods in addition. Of course, I gave him my shoulder to lean on too! Only give and take allowed, please. No give, give and no take, take. {A close friend would've had a lot to say about the gives and takes ;)}] We began speaking for hours together, got really close. We fell for each other (Expected of me to do such a thing? True!). Problem? There was another element in the picture (Let's refer to the element as element 1). And obviously since a compound cannot be formed in such a situation, our dear friend had to choose one element--element 1 or me. It was me obviously, said this friend; there were no sparks at all between him and element 1. No sparks = no reaction = no compound. With me, everything was perfect. We got along well, and so no problem in compound formation. (Pervert alert: I'm talking plain chemistry here, don't let imagination run wild!) So what Mr. Friend did was to ask me out before eliminating element 1 from the reaction. "How can I do it suddenly? Poor element 1! I will do it in a week or two eventually..." (Stupid of me to believe again after previous experience? Tell me about it!) And as proof of my stupidity, yes, as expected, element 1 is still in the reaction. Who got eliminated? Me obviously, and water with slight salt content was the by-product of the elimination reaction [I am stupid, but I still feel hurt and tears flow ]! Cause for the elimination reaction to have backfired in my direction? Commitment-phobia apparently (and you deserve someone better than me crap!). I wonder where that had gone when all the "I love you" talks were flowing in plenty. [To you too I'd like to say (I know you will be reading this) that you will always find a good friend in me. There are no 2 years that I can respect, but there are few months of friendship and some fun conversations, some feelings shared, which though haven't ended up in much today, have atleast contributed towards me getting over a certain somebody. Hugs.]
Moving on, there's something I'd like to tell these two people. I did nothing to deserve what you both put me through. I still sometimes pity myself and can't help shedding tears, but, in some ways, or in a lot of ways, these experiences have made me stronger. Thank you! (Nothing to feel proud about though, mind you!) It might not be a huge achievement, but I somewhere admire myself for moving on and allowing most of the world to believe that all was/is fine (even though it might not be/might not have been.) I regret sometimes for having chosen idiots like you who could not stand up to their own words (I'm sorry) and idiots like you who let ME slip away. You don't find people like me every day (Sorry again, this time for the boasting, but can't help. You were right when you said things like “I will never find someone like you” and “You deserve someone better than me”. I may not be the best, but I’m pretty sure I’m very close to the best.). I pray to God that you realize this. Realize that you made a mistake by letting me go. Just realize, not regret. *Nobel Peace Prize feeling* *Applause*
And, and, and, I'm not done yet. To all you assholes who flirt for no good reason, it's not that I don't realise what you are and how hard you are trying to be as earnest flirts as possible. I'm not dumb! I'm just too much of a sweetheart to be rude and give you a slap in the face. What I really would've liked to do when you do your fake lines and emotions is this--I'd like to say “Atchooo! I'm allergic to bullshit, you assholes!" (Killer line courtesy: my cousin)
P.S. I appreciate genuine people. Tell me you're a flirt and maybe I will decide to humour you and flirt along ;)
Now, I'm done! :)
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